Soloing while married

[Glenn MacGrady]

Anyone else face spousal opposition to canoe trips and any strategies for overcoming the resistance?

I've faced spousal opposition and resistance to all sorts of things over the past 49.5 years -- and still do! -- and so does my spouse.

It was made clear early in the marriage that I was going to pursue a few hobbies, so I just go. My wife was never much interested in canoeing or camping, except for a short period with the kids long ago. She doesn't use a computer or smart phone, so fancy communication devices for her have never been necessary for me on my trips. No one else really cares where I am. I was an early adopter of a PLB for my own rescue protection, a device now with an expired battery for lack of use.

Old age has slowed down everything, so I don't go many places any more or for too long, but I don't think the opposition would be too great, except for exaggerated Covid fears. Having retired just a year ago after more than 50 years of nursing, my wife likes to stay home and watch Judge Wapner (or whatever). In fact, I'm not allowed to interrupt.

 

[sweeper]

My wife just verifies that my Life Insurance is paid up

Really she knows how important my solo trips are

 

[goonstroke]

Yes. Both retired. She just does not like being alone for a week or two, not really for more than 2-3 nights. A through paddle of NFCT is probably 8 weeks for me.

Seems like there'd be a way to finesse that, given that most of the NFCT is in and out of front country. It's not really until the last ~100 miles past Rockwood that you're off grid for days, and even then there are logging roads.

Find a "ladies retreat" in Vermont that matches her favorite hobby! (OK, then another one in New Hampshire ...)

I'm still trying to figure out to do the NFCT before retirement, at least you're past that hurdle.

 

[scoutergriz]

I feel sorry for you guys, I have my canoe and she has hers- of course she takes the ultralight kevlar and leaves me the F/G beater...

 

[dogbrain]

It's expected that I be gone for a minimum of 3 months each year.

 

[LanceR]

Hmm.... Change the hobby, change the genders or personal descriptors, etc and apply as needed....


So a guy is in his garage puttering on his classic cars when his new bride walks past and says "Gee, honey, now that we're married you don't need to spend your time out here. We can sell all this stuff and we can spend all our time together now." There's a slight pause from under the car and the guy sticks his head out and says "Gee, Dear, you sound a lot like my ex wife."

She is a bit startled and somewhat indignantly says "I didn't know you were married before!". There's another slight pause and he says "I wasn't"






If you try this be sure to be prepared to duck and run like heck!


Lance

 

[alsg]

Hard to say what would be worse: soloing against your spouse's will and they leave you or soloing against their will and they don't.

 

[LanceR]

Knowing where I was stationed when I heard this story it had to have happened around in 1984-5. The wife of an Army Major I met a few years after this told told the story that as his family had money they had a nice wooden sailing boat while stationed in Puerto Rico. One night over drinks with company he was discussing his plans to sail to one of the other islands for a few days. Now this was quite an attractive couple. She was very pretty and he looked a lot like Val Kilmer's character in Top Gun. But as the conversation developed she told him to go ahead and take the trip, she was going to stay home.

As she tells it he looked her in the eye and said "Suit yourself but there will be a pretty woman aboard when I sail." She said she got the hint and went on the trip. I lost track of them about 10-12 years ago and they were still happily married. And still sailing.

Heck, I'd have been shot by either of my wives, especially the current one who is a dang fine pistol shot, if I'd ever tried to pull that off. Of course I never looked like Val Kilmer either. Heck, my former wife even kicked me under the table when we were told the story. When I asked what that was about as I never said anything like that she said "No, but you dang sure smiled at it!"

Lance

 

[yellowcanoe]

Yes. Both retired. She just does not like being alone for a week or two, not really for more than 2-3 nights. A through paddle of NFCT is probably 8 weeks for me.

Thanks all.

It would be nice if she could be your shuttle. Attean Pond has a nice lodge. Rockwood has a nice lodge.. up Moosehead Lake to NE Carry where there is a store and a lodge . She could go to Loon Lodge on Round pond while you float down the Allagash and meet you at Ft Kent or Allagash.. There are some nice places to veg out for landlubbers along the way up rt 11.

Thats the Maine part. Also Eustis-Stratton has some nice lodges and the NFCT goes practially through town.

 

[Black_Fly]

I got my wife two dogs to keep her company while I'm gone. She likes them better anyway.

 

[dcloots]

Three years ago I paddled the West Branch of the Penobscot with my 3 children and my father. We had planned on taking our time but with full intentions of keeping schedule. Mother nature did not cooperate causing a two day delay on the angry Witch "Chesuncook Lake". Finally with some clear weather we approached our take out at Allagash Gateway Campground and Steve Scanlin came running to us rather quickly telling me to use the phone in the cabin immediately to call my wife. Apparently she was preparing to mobilize a full search and rescue party and had notified authorities....State Police etc... that we were expected to return home two days prior. I knew my wifes reaction with the delay would be exactly what it was. I had always wanted a Garmin Inreach Explorer and within 15 minutes of returning home the order was placed on Amazon. I wish I could claim that this strategy was intentional, but Chesuncook is one nasty beast when she wants to be and she clearly had a mind of her own for a few days. In summary, my wife is much more comfortable now knowing that I have the Inreach Explorer. She can track me on the computer and reach out when necessary. Although, admittedly she doesn't track me at all. She just waits for the SOS or my end of day message. I enable tracking, set my preset messages and send those preset messages "I'm ok arrived at campsite" when I arrive at the site. The Inreach Explorer has been my golden ticket to paddle on solo trips since then.

 

[yellowcanoe]

Three years ago I paddled the West Branch of the Penobscot with my 3 children and my father. We had planned on taking our time but with full intentions of keeping schedule. Mother nature did not cooperate causing a two day delay on the angry Witch "Chesuncook Lake". Finally with some clear weather we approached our take out at Allagash Gateway Campground and Steve Scanlin came running to us rather quickly telling me to use the phone in the cabin immediately to call my wife. Apparently she was preparing to mobilize a full search and rescue party and had notified authorities....State Police etc... that we were expected to return home two days prior. I knew my wifes reaction with the delay would be exactly what it was. I had always wanted a Garmin Inreach Explorer and within 15 minutes of returning home the order was placed on Amazon. I wish I could claim that this strategy was intentional, but Chesuncook is one nasty beast when she wants to be and she clearly had a mind of her own for a few days. In summary, my wife is much more comfortable now knowing that I have the Inreach Explorer. She can track me on the computer and reach out when necessary. Although, admittedly she doesn't track me at all. She just waits for the SOS or my end of day message. I enable tracking, set my preset messages and send those preset messages "I'm ok arrived at campsite" when I arrive at the site. The Inreach Explorer has been my golden ticket to paddle on solo trips since then.

Another old school method is to add two days to your expected out of the woods date. Yes lie.
Then come home early. Will she be pleasantly surprised?
I have had good times on at b***** w**** of a lake outrunning or following wicked storms. One trip the entire sky was a big mares tail.. Never saw anything like it. So instead of lollygagging we paddled the entire length of the lake and when we got out the folks at Allagash Gateway said we made a good choice as there was four inches of rain in the forecast.
Another time they got pounded by rain and hail and a thunderstorm and we were just out at Mouser Island watching the show in the dry.

 

[dcloots]

Another old school method is to add two days to your expected out of the woods date. Yes lie.
Then come home early. Will she be pleasantly surprised?
I have had good times on at b***** w**** of a lake outrunning or following wicked storms. One trip the entire sky was a big mares tail.. Never saw anything like it. So instead of lollygagging we paddled the entire length of the lake and when we got out the folks at Allagash Gateway said we made a good choice as there was four inches of rain in the forecast.
Another time they got pounded by rain and hail and a thunderstorm and we were just out at Mouser Island watching the show in the dry.

I have learned over the years that adding that “White Lie” buffer can be quite useful. The early unexpected return definitely helps with approval for penciling in the next trip. It’s a win....win!

 

[lowangle al]

The older you get the more important an Inreach type of devise is needed. This past winter my friend had a medical emergency while we were backcountry skiing. He couldn't make it a half mile back to the truck. It was a good thing a snow machine came by and hauled him out. We are both in our 60s.

 

[LarrySw45]

This thread should have been entitled "Soloing while staying Married". {:>)
I used to use a SPOT Gen3 device and that worked well but recently changed to a
Garmin InReach Mini so I could send out more than a pre-recorded "I'm OK" message each night.
For Backpacking and multi-day trips into the Boundary Waters.
BTW I'm 75.
Larry S

 

[yellowcanoe]

This thread should have been entitled "Soloing while staying Married". {:>)
I used to use a SPOT Gen3 device and that worked well but recently changed to a
Garmin InReach Mini so I could send out more than a pre-recorded "I'm OK" message each night.
For Backpacking and multi-day trips into the Boundary Waters.
BTW I'm 75.
Larry S

the other issue is with age it is truly bad form to have your spouse die while you frolic in the wilderness. My sister in law did that. I did that. Now I am not in good graces so I see the usefulness of a two way messaging device.

 

[billconner]

I assume I'll be shopping sat phones. I'm still just not sure that will be enough.

 

[Higgster]

be careful of arriving home too early, you never know what you may find ...

 

[Black_Fly]

I always wonder if my PLB will work if needed. I had the battery replaced last year, but who knows? There's no REAL way to test the transmission ability.

 

[alsg]

I always wonder if my PLB will work if needed. I had the battery replaced last year, but who knows? There's no REAL way to test the transmission ability.

It may depend on what you buy. My Zoleo, which like Garmin and SPOT connects to GEOS when the s.o.s. button is pushed, allowed me to test the s.o.s. functionwith the GEOS rescue folks by prior arrangement at a particular date and time. They then confirmed they received the test s.o.s. signal, the time it was received and the location from which I sent the s.o.s.