I am not sure I know how to PayPal but I can write a check. I have sent it old school so that it might also help to support our postal service workers. Through this forum, we have learned that your Penacook carrier is a good egg who can appreciate our warped humor.
Dougs mail carrier is a lovely person, with a good sense of humor, and I hope to meet her again someday.
So that no one thinks I have exclusively selected DougD for abuse, I have a similar relationship with my favorite waitresses at the local breakfast diner. After some conditioning they have come to give back as good as they get, sputtering in mock exasperation and promising dire consequences. They now expect some nonsense at least once a week.
I do tip well, 50 percent on a typical 4 dollar breakfast, and leave them twenties with a festive ribbon taped on near Christmas time. They know I do not need a menu, know where I prefer to sit, know I eat fast and prefer to read the paper in peace while doing so, and, yes thanks, just leave the check with the meal.
But, they forgot the straw for my glass of water? I will attempt to suck water through a butter knife, making ffssttttyy sucking noises when I spot them approaching with my meal, just to hear them mutter
Ima smack you one day on day.
When I order in Spanish it is only because I practiced the translation at home. When I order a piece of Scrapple, specifying 4 inches x 6 inches x 1 inch thick, it is only because I discovered that I still have a tape measure in my overalls. The disappointing tape measurement of my meat dish earned me a wonderfully leaned in and whispered
Ima smack the crap outa you one day. I love those ladies.
When asked is everything was ok I once mentioned that there was a problem with my silverware. Running out of the kitchen laughing, waving my used silverware, still tightly Zip Tied tightly together, made me smile for the whole freaking day. I have no doubt it was slipped into the dishwashers sink just that way.
I was told that the extraordinarily lifelike plastic cockroach, hidden under the far edge of my plate, made rounds in the kitchen throughout the day, appearing at stations first here, then there, and eventually made it home with one waitress. The printed sign taped to the wall reading
Sit at this booth and receive 50 percent off your meal made the secondary prankster rounds as well.
I enjoy their spirit, and they have come to expect something every time, much like my postmistress receiving DougD packages over the counter. For lack of a better surprise I have recently been tipping them in prefolded origami 2 dollar bills, but I had plumb run out of other trickery, and could sense their disappointment.
Bwahahaha. They use the diner typical paper placemats, printed with advertisements for the local taxidermy shop, funeral home, tree service, well digger, real estate agent, farm equipment and etc. Those first two might combine into one peculiar advert, especially this months special offer, having Grandma stuffed in a lifelike pose
11 x 17 paper. I see some fun ahead with faux placemats left on my booth.
BWAHAHAHA.
