Long Arm of the Law

[alsg]

A couple of years ago on the West Branch of the Penobscot River, I flipped in some mystery rapids and temporarily “misplaced” a tent on the bottom of the river. Recently I was issued a “citation” by Officer McCrea. What’s the statute of limitations for such an offense? I’m surprised he didn’t also issue a citation for taking a submarine down that same section of river.

 

[Will Derness]

Once a felon, always a felon. God forbid you get another one

 

[dougd]

I've gotten two but was innocent of one...I swear!

 

[alsg]

I've gotten two but was innocent of one...I swear!

Inquiring minds want to know...

 

[dougd]

Large group trip put on by Mr. McCrea and I had never been there before. I was entrusted with the beers. Somehow I got splintered off from the group into waters I didn't know. In order to get back to the group in the dark of night I had to get some courage. Liquid courage got me through. Story told!

 

[Alan Gage]

Large group trip put on by Mr. McCrea and I had never been there before. I was entrusted with the beers. Somehow I got splintered off from the group into waters I didn't know. In order to get back to the group in the dark of night I had to get some courage. Liquid courage got me through. Story told!

That sounds like multiple infractions.

Alan

 

[Guest]

Those Paddling Citations have a back story, and an evolution.

I found a box of out-of-date traffic citations in a State Surplus warehouse. Couldn’t resist pocketing one with unfilled tickets left.

I brought that book of citations on a group car camper, and late at night issued a half dozen tickets, with the offender’s license tag and specific, hand-written notations; “Fancy vehicle, ugly canoe”, and “Tarp not properly guyed out”, “Quiet hour disturbing the peace – Snoring”.

Friends awoke to discover them under their wiper blades and laughs were shared all around. Then my broke-arse starving artist friend Kevin finally dragged his hungover arse out of the tent and stumbled around his site.

One wheel of his rust bucket humpty truck as 3” off the gravel pad. I cited him for that, “Vehicle not parked on pad”. The fine was something like $70.

He saw the “ticket”, read it and went nuts; fully enraged, flailing his arms and stomping his feet, bellowing “THIS IS bullpucky! I’M NOT PAYING THIS! #@*%&!”, loud enough for everyone in adjacent sites to enjoy.

Hence the customized Paddling Citations, printed on heavy duty cardstock.

There were other citation varieties. A Tortoise Reserve Work Party ticket; like the paddling citation esoterically referencing past events and peccadilloes, most of them true.

20210515_144028 by Mike McCrea, on Flickr

I made a stack of 100 of those, and the Tortoise Reserve director, my dear friend Dave Lee, had a busy weekend with them. He enjoyed them so much they were mentioned in his memorial obits and comments.

“There are as many stories about Dave Lee as there are times people hung out with him. His life was a parade of absurd anecdotes and tall tales that were mostly true. He made special violation sheets to notify Cooterville visitors of their myriad possible offenses, and he was a committed scholar of anything politically incorrect.”


Another friend commented

“I also loved his tickets. He gave my Elon students tickets for not drinking and sleeping too late”

(Elon is a pricey, private University in NC)

A different friend, who had received a paddling citation or two, occasionally served as Marshal on a golf course. He adapted them to issue “tickets” to scofflaw golfers for not replacing their divots, driving a cart onto the green, dawdling too long, etc. What once had the possibility of ill feelings or confrontation became humorous and well received, with ticketees proclaiming “Oh heck, I’m framing this!”

Simple spreadsheet format; I think I still have the file somewhere. Customized for your friends past faux pas moments or memorable group trip shenanigans, it’s worth carrying a few in your kit.

 

[Jim Dodd]

Ha ! Isn't there a Law about Impersonating an Officer ?
Something like 10- 20 yrs ??? Ha !

 

[Will Derness]

Hopefully these helped make the recipients better playing partners.

 

[recped]

Daddy.....What's a "Blackberry"?

 

[goonstroke]

Isn't there some "Traffic School" scheme that can get these things off your record?

Which of the following is a valid reason for not wearing your PFD?
A. We're all Very Experienced in this boat
B. Road rash on your nipples
C. Just going across the cove for some firewood
D. Trying to get an even tan on your beer belly
E. All of the above
F. None of the above