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Jokes and Laughter for the Day

Talking Dog for Sale

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.

The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "He's just a big liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

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A man driving in the country, semi lost, noticed another man standing under an apple tree holding a pig up, so that it could eat an apple. Thinking he can get directions and thinking the other man is doing something somewhat odd, dismounts from his vehicle and approaches the man with pig. He says to the man by way of starting a conversation. “Why are you hold the pig like that?” The other man says “so it can eat apples.” The first man then asked, “isn’t that a waste of time?” The man holding the pig replied, “Time don’t mean anything to a pig.”
 
Came across this on Craigslist. I don't think this was meant to be a joke, but...it might be! I've never seen a canoe shaped like this before. Obviously meant for a motor mount but yikes!

The 'well kept' statement in the ad certainly seems like a joke, looking at the waves, dents and ripples in this puppy.


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This may not have been intended as a joke. The link below has more details. The "waves, dents and ripples" were probably all there when it left the factory. This is not a boat that is likely to be popular with most of the people in this forum.

Benson


 
Holy Moly!


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@Uncle Mur made a pontoon canoe like that and he has build threads about it:

 
Been there!

You know, the quickest way to break that suction is drill a hole in the bottom of one bucket.
seriously, if you're handy and have a compressor, you can slightly flatten a piece of 1/8 brakeline, shove it down the side, and hit it with 100 psi, it'll pop right off, fly out of the garage, and knock your wife's driver's side mirror off ....


( don't ask how I know about the mirror...):rolleyes:
 
What? No jokes since July?

Once upon a time, a man was having dinner by himself in a fancy restaurant. He looked around and saw a gorgeous woman with red hair, also dining alone.

"Gosh," he thought, "she is beautiful and I sure would like to meet her."

Just then the woman sneezed. Come to find out, she had a glass eye. The prosthetic eye popped out of her head and flew across the restaurant.

Thinking quickly, the man snatched the flying eyeball out of the air and returned it to its owner.

"Thank you so much," she said. "Please let me buy you a drink."

One thing led to another and the two spend the night together. They started dating and saw each other frequently.

One romantic evening the man asked, "What was it that attracted you to me in the first place?"

"I don't know," she replied. "You just happened to catch my eye........."
 
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