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Silly Canoe Contests

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I had mentioned the annual “Canoe Olympics” silly canoe contests.

son Cooper, seconds after taking First Place in a oddball Canoe Olympics Contest; this oddball event part being the solo paddler contest, kneeling as far forward in the bow as possible, with the canoe / behind you, out around the buoy and back.


Cooper, playing faithfully by the rules, was kid-wedged as far forward as possible in a 10’ 6” Dagger Tupelo, with 90% of the hull waggling behind him in the air, and absolutely spanked the nearest adult contestant seen in the background. Note that no other contestant had even rounded the buoy when he crossed the finish line.

Cooper, paddling hard as he neared the finish line, submerged the bow just before the tape, but managed to glide across the line as the hull swamped.

There were four different annual “races”, with prizes for win, place and show (and an overall DQ/booby prize). The prizes were nice stuff, but secondary to the glory of the medal stand, spectator applause and bragging rights.

The bow-only race, and a deep water poling race; with a large contingent of never-polers. That no-bottom poling race was equally comical, and occasionally wet.

A solo stern-only race, with the caveat that the canoe had to travel stern-first out around the buoy, 180 and return across the finish line; back paddling only, no forward strokes permitted, even for course corrections.

That race tended to quickly spread the field far and wide, with the finishers across the line while a few contestants were still waggling WTF frustrated to and fro mid-lake, especially if the breeze was up. Lots of DQ’s from the judges; it is really hard to resist taking an illegal forward stroke when all seems lost.

And, a spectator favorite, the tandem race, with the stipulation that the paddlers had to be facing away from each other, towards opposite stems. That opposites orientation precluded any stroke requests from the stern, who couldn’t see what the heck was happening ahead, and of course provided lots of “”Left, LEFT, YOUR OTHER LEFT DAMMIT!” confusion.

All of the races involved a lined up mass start, and the opposites tandem race was inevitably the biggest clusterF#$% of bumper canoes chaos as soon as it began.

EK_0020 by Mike McCrea, on Flickr

In the inaugural year’s tandem race a team using double blades miraculously bested the field, probably because the critical move was to get out front fast, away from the crashing canoe chaos, and forever after double blades became the (ill-advised) weapon of choice. “Ill advised” because once the canoes became entangled double blades proved far less useful, if not plumb hazardous.

(That bassakwards bumper-canoe contest was unsuitable for high end composite canoes, although the red canoe with white stems on far right is a Lynn Tuttle 1977 Sawyer Champion 2. Kinda miss that canoe; received as a freebie with both stems worn clear through, repaired (hence the white stems) and given to a friend, who paddled it for years after with the wife and daughters aboard, and raced it a few times)

I highly encourage holding such a silly contest if you have a contingent of fun loving paddlers and a warm summer day.

You have all winter to think up other bizarre challenges, maybe out to the buoy, deliberately capsize the canoe, re-board unassisted and paddle back. Or paddle/swim out around a buoy and back atop/holding a blue barrel. Maybe a blindfolded challenge, out around an audible buoy/anchored paddler with noisemaker and back.

You won’t really learn anything Dead Fish Polo free-stylish, but you will have some laughs and make some memories.
 
I remember a canoe race while at scout camp. Typical paddle around a buoy and return. BUT... when the whistle blew the paddlers had to switch seats in the canoe. When the whistle blew twice, they had to exit the canoe and switch seats.
 
Pete, oh heck yeah

EK_0021 by Mike McCrea, on Flickr

Side note about Raystown and poling. DougD showed up one year early on in that gathering, and poled (snubbed) his way down the SB Junitia, to the fascination of several paddlers; Topher, Tom, Nightswimmer and others.

Within a year or two the Juniata trips were half paddlers and half (or more) polers, and soon enough the silly poler tricks commenced, dancing on the gunwales, standing on the stern deck plate and stacking canoes.

There were prizes, custom made poles awarded for best newbie poler and falls. A terminology developed; falling into the river while poling wasn’t a “Swim”, it was an “Aggressive Step Out”. I believe if the top of your head was still dry it wasn’t counted as a swim.
 
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