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Where can I paddle if . . .

Glenn MacGrady said:
. . . I don't want any possible contact with bears, sharks, sting rays, alligators, crocodiles or poisonous snakes?
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Glenn MacGrady said:
The topic is an animal population geography challenge specifically, and only, for the six feared and fatal species listed.

Finding a geographic safe space from the Six Satanic Species is surely one such reasonable goal.
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OK Glenn, I’ll bite (pun intended).

Assateague Island Nat’l Seashore is as close as I can come to a guarantee of:
No bears.
No Alligators.
No Crocodiles
No poisonous snakes (“Of the 19 species of snake living on the neighboring mainland of the Delmarva Peninsula, only six are found on Assateague, and all are non-venomous”). Please do not mistake the flattened head of an Eastern Hognose for a pit viper and whack it with your machete.

There are sharks in Chincoteague Bay, but on the Maryland end, in 6 inches of water on the island side, it would have to be a pretty small shark. Likewise there are Bluntnose stingrays and Cownose rays (aka skates) in the bay, but unless you are Steve Irwin neither are likely to be a problem.

You could be trampled by a satanic pony, so maybe not Assateague.
 
sailsman63 said:
Don't forget the Northern Pike... :) A few years ago, the big local story was about a city dude in a rental canoe that accidentally caught a large pike by dangling his foot over the side. He and his buddy took the fish in to the hospital, (They thought that maybe it should be tested for rabies...?!?) so in addition to the 27 stitches, he ended up with a citation for taking a fish not caught in the mouth with legal tackle, and taking a fish under the legal minimum size limit. Can't recall if he actually had a fishing license at the time.

icedragonmx Where is that? Its beautiful.
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Part of the Petermann glacier in Greenland, I believe.. - http://soi.st-andrews.ac.uk/pageset.aspx?psr=495 - just scroll down the page a bit
 
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Mike McCrea said:
You could be trampled by a satanic pony, so maybe not Assateague.
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Oh for a little reductio ad absurdum exchange. I have reconsidered that pony possibility. Assateague does have satanic ponies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUIXy8SaWT0

But in the “backcountry”, only a few five miles or more beyond from the Park’s paved road tourist masses, the ponies mostly just crap on the all-terrain bocce ball course, only occasionally seeming to aim for recently rolled balls.

Or end up with a Doritos bag stuck on their nose; that was one of the funniest things I have ever seen on the beach. That horse loved him some Cool Ranch, as evidenced by a massive pony Viagra moment. Try explaining that to your observant young children

A tarp sleeper friend did awake in the middle of the night to find himself staring at a pony dick dangling a few inches above his head, front quarters on one side of his body, hind on the other side. Best just go back to sleep. And bring a tent next time.

Seriously, a few miles away from the habituating public beaches and campgrounds the backcountry ponies are like backcountry campers, and tend to respect the privacy of your campsite.

There are river otters. Do they attack? Are people stupid? Yes to both (about 1 minute in)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBF2qXEIStw

Holy crap! Look out, it’s a dememted sika deer. The last thing Glenn ever heard was the bugling of a rutting Asian elk.

What a way to go.
 
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Come on Glenn!
You can't be Onyx!
Dodgin' deadly diners
hooked on hydroponics.

Go slide that summer sluice,
in your SRT,
deadly short-orcas cook,
takeout of the red Ross Sea.

Ya know! I think it's time for McCrea to be thrust into his own Okervill River Bad Movie! One that torments him to no end. We'll call it, Pirates of the Harried Be'n: On Squirrelly Tides.
 
With minor exceptions, you guys are hopeless in sticking to a topic and solving puzzles, but we have at least attracted the poet deploreate of Pnet. Welcome.

My criteria can be met by all the meltwater rivers of Antarctica not just the Onyx, which happens to be the longest.

But let's begin logically and with minimal knowledge. It's easy to avoid sharks and stingrays if you avoid the ocean. Exception: bull sharks have a unique physiology that allows them to adapt very quickly to fresh water, thus allowing them to be found very rarely up rivers. So, if we want to worry about bull sharks, we have to stay above rapids or waterfalls that they can't traverse.

Stingrays aren't found in arctic waters, and sharks are just about everywhere but apparently not around Antarctica. Therefore, my criteria can be met even when paddling the coastal ocean around Antarctica. That's 11,000 miles of coastline. Where's Verlen Kruger when I need him for a tandem partner? No bears, lizards or snakes on that continent.

I've always hoped to paddle the Jordan River from the Sea of Galilee to the Dead Sea -- along which, somewhere, Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist -- but I am blocked by at least one poisonous viper. The same holds for all of England and Scotland, which would be ideal except for one poisonous adder. For 32 years I've wanted to "loch drop" diagonally across Scotland, land of my Clan Cameron, but that's another dream that will die with me.

But, ahah, I have all the lakes and freshwater rivers of Ireland to paddle in with no worries about the Six Satanic Species, aside from the pesky Bull shark, which I can avoid. In fact, Ireland has no snakes at all. No wolves either, as the Irish exterminated them as did the English and Scots.

If I want warmer paddling I have all the fresh water of Hawaii. While there are occasional reports of pet alligators escaping, they are not native to Hawaii nor are crocs, bears or poisonous snakes. The problem is that the Hawaiian islands don't have a whole lot of fresh water lakes and rivers.

Therefore, my ideal warmer weather spot after I finish with Ireland are the freshwater lakes and rivers of New Zealand. Not only are the Six Satanic species absent from all of New Zealand, there is virtually nothing there that can even bite a human. No wolves, foxes or even ants, and only two varieties of innocuous spiders. And no place has more spectacular paddling scenery.

adventures-jet-boating-funyak-1.jpeg


I'm always interested in learning about new paddling venues, and this was undertaken with just a few minutes of research. I'm sure there are other spots on the globe that meet my criteria. But Canotrouge is ultimately right: I am likely to paddle these dream spots only in my head.
 
Glenn MacGrady said:
With minor exceptions, you guys are hopeless in sticking to a topic and solving puzzles, but we have at least attracted the poet deploreate of Pnet. Welcome.
Click to expand...

Yes! A very welcome addition!

...Stingrays aren't found in arctic waters, and sharks are just about everywhere but apparently not around Antarctica. Therefore, my criteria can be met even when paddling the coastal ocean around Antarctica. That's 11,000 miles of coastline. Where's Verlen Kruger when I need him for a tandem partner? No bears, lizards or snakes on that continent.
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Yeah - but you can probably scratch that one off your list anyway....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdBt4RiIxu4
 
I walked into what must have been a croc in thigh deep water near Cape Sable. When we got our back country permit the ranger warned us about many things but never mentioned crocodiles and I didn't have a clue they lived there. I was out for a morning swim and was walking back to shore when I walked into a "log". Then I started stomping around trying to find that log again but never did. We did see tracks on the beach and one disturbed nest with egg remains in it but assumed it must have been from a turtle although that didn't look right either.

A year later on our second trip down there we got the same warnings from the ranger except this time when he warned us about the raccoons he mentioned how they are eating the crocodile eggs. Wow crocodiles, I didn't expect that. It wasn't until we were about to pull in to the beach where I kicked the "log" that we saw a large croc run into the water. It was then that I realized that what I kicked the previous year must have been a croc. We saw many that trip but they didn't cause a problem. I won't be taking the grandkids down there though or swimming in Florida bay. I may do some limited swimming in the Gulf where the water is clear.

If you want to see crocs go in March, that's when they breed.
 
Glenn MacGrady said:
. . . I don't want any possible contact with bears, sharks, sting rays, alligators, crocodiles or poisonous snakes?
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I’m still calculating your chances Glenn. How about my local homeriver, the Gunpowder Falls?

No sharks, stingrays or crocodiles. No bears to speak of; every few years a youngun will wander down from Pennsylvania and eat someone’s backyard birdseed.

Cooperheads potentially, but I’ve never seen on there in hundreds of trips.

At the very top couple (Cl 2-3) miles there once was the last known timber rattlesnake den in the county, on a south facing rock slope, but you would have to do some serious searching to be recognized for finding one.

Well, maybe not the Gunpowder; driving there from Connecticut would pose well defined risks.

It is hard to get away from that most risky of behaviors if you want to paddle different places.
 
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Mike McCrea said:
It is hard to get away from that most risky of behaviors if you want to paddle different places.
Click to expand...

That was not at all the point of this topic.

I'm well aware of faunal paddling risks. I've been paddling all over North America since 1952 without worry. Speaking of faunal risk, I also claim to be the first to open canoe roll in Loch Ness. Strangely, Guiness didn't recognize my record even though in 1985 I was drinking it.

The point of the topic was to encourage the curiosity of members here to think about . . . or perhaps research . . . or perhaps just enjoy learning about . . . whether there are places on the planet devoid of the Satanic Six Species.

When I win the lottery I will take the entire site on my private jet to Ireland and New Zealand for fauna-fear-free paddling.

The topical purpose of this post was to introduce and use the word "faunal".
 
Hm... the six satanic species. Wasn't the goat especially favored by Satan... if there was an animal about the place that could be a vessel harbouring the Lord of Darkness, IIRC in folklore the goat was a likely choice. For proof, see the recent film, The Witch, witch BTW was partly filmed in Algonquin Park for it's spooky forest scenes.

In the smaller picture, the men in the white coats are working on making the world a safer place from vermin. Although do note that there are no horned animals included in the testing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4-gOjiRaE8&feature=youtu.be
 
I'm not too bothered by the Satanic Six
I have been bothered by
Cattle of the roaming kind
Wild Horses
Canada Geese by the million
Porcupines that eat paddles.
Raccoons that eat anything and drink your water
Mice.. everlasting mice that get in the barrel.
 
Yeah, mice can terrorize a campsite, if the danger includes being driven to insanity.. the pitterpatter of cold little feet. The Romans used to dine on mice dipped in honey. The mice must have been eviscerated first, but otherwise they just crunched them down, a real delicacy it seems with the aristocracy.


Here are some numbers googled up for deaths... IIRC vicious dog attacks are by far the most common when it comes to animal-related killings.


Your chances of being killed by animal attack: 1 in 30,000.
Your chances of being killed by choking on food: 1 in 3,000.
Your chances of being killed by drowning: 1 in 1,500.
Your chances of being killed by the flu or pneumonia: 1 in 70.
 
Glenn MacGrady said:
That was not at all the point of this topic.

When I win the lottery I will take the entire site on my private jet to Ireland and New Zealand for fauna-fear-free paddling.

The topical purpose of this post was to introduce and use the word "faunal".
Click to expand...
We're All Food For the (Marine Perhaps?) Worms!

Ya know it ain't a food pyramid on which we sit atop.
It's more a hog trough where we all mix in the slop.
Though you may have concerns of some Satanic Six,
I believe the Lord of Cuisine will cook us all in the mix.

So on your Power Ball Gulfstream twixt the Eire and Kiwi Isles,
Ya might just cash it in on those infrequent flyer miles.
Hope your winnings can afford ya the retired Captain Scully!
Oft flocked-up Duckheads blow both engines - flukes of nature feed in ocean gullies.

Oh! And I've been to Faunal Hall! Talk about ya predatahs!!!!

(another Deplorably Rhymed of No Reason Production)
 
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