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Pranks

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I have always enjoyed a gentle prank. Or not so gentle, see poor DougDs postal packages over the years.

A few pranks were canoe related. The large sign attached to the tailgate of my rusty beater truck, loaned to friends on a group canoe trip. Poor White Trash Canoe Club. They did not know it was there and drove for some hours wondering why everyone was honking and waving.

Sometimes unintentional pranks. Breaking camp on a group trip and watching two friends try to load their gear into a red MRC loaner canoe. How the heck could it fit on the way in, but not the way out?

They had, sans any guidance, picked a much shorter red MRC canoe to try to pack. A group of guys stopped their own packing to watch the results, which went on until the boat was fully overloaded and the boats owner finally piped up So, can I put my gear in your canoe now?


Before I retired I had a multi decade prank war going with my bosses. Some of the best stuff ever, in part because they gave back as good as they got and were a smart, devious and cunning bunch.

The culmination of that prank war was my retirement day. December 31. It was required that employees work their last day, and the place was deserted on New Years Eve. It was required that employees turn in their keys and IDs on their last day.

I had dressed exactly the same way for 30 years, black shoes, black socks, black pants, white shirt, tie and lab coat. It made getting dressed in the pre dawn hours easy.

I saw no future need for any of that garb, and brought a full set of spares in with me that day. Shoes, socks, pants, shirt, tie and lab coat. Left flattened and carefully arranged on the floor of my office, ID clipped on and keys in the pocket.

When my prankster foe boss opened my office door a few days later his first thought was not Taken by the Rapture. He thought I was dead on the floor. One final win in the McCrea column.


Post work life I have taken to pranking the waitresses at a country diner once a week, with friendly and well received results. Some tricks have been one offs, the printed sign surreptitiously taped to the wall reading Sit at this booth and receive 10 percent off your meal. I did not get the discount, but did receive a WTF startled look from the waitress when she noticed it.

I zip tied the silverware together and left it on my plate under a napkin. When paying the bill I got the usual How was everything?

I told them It was fine, but there was a problem with the silverware. I was not out the door when my waitress came running out of the back waving the nested and zip tied spoons and forks, giving me faux grief. What the heck is wrong with you? said while laughing is music to my ears. My own wife was less amused when I zip tied the kitchen scissors together.

Some diner pranks unintentionally went on for weeks. The duck figurine prank unexpectedly took over a month to reach denouement.

We had a dozen little hand painted, inch long duck figurines, unwanted dust collecting shelf chotchkie gifts from some relative. Rather than just toss them I started hiding them in obscure locations around the diner, behind curtains, atop picture frames, inside plants. One or two each week. I heard nothing about it, but each week they were gone from their hiding spots.

After a month I finally left one demonstrably floating in my water glass for my favorite waitress Lindsey. When she asked How was everything? I mentioned that there was some foreign object in my glass and pointed.

She all but freaked out when she saw it floating there, yelling You? You are the ducks? That has been driving us crazy for weeks. Lisa thinks the place is haunted. The hidden ducks had turned up randomly, well after my visits, sometimes found by the cleaning crew in the middle of the night.

Lisa is my other favorite waitress. The rest of the staff were sworn to secrecy and the origin of the ghostly ducks was not yet revealed. The staff did show me their collection of duck figurines, proudly displayed behind the cash register. They had named them in Sharpie on the bottom, Bucky Duck and Millard the Mallard. And, Andy, which I took as an homage to Toy Story. They were having fun with this.

I left two more next visit for haunted Lisa to find, with cooperation from the other wait staff. One was already named, Sharpie inscribed Ducky McDuckface, and the other more ominously named Lissssa.

The staff told me Lisas upcoming schedule and I made sure I was there the next week for breakfast. I was the very picture of innocence and proper behavior when she came to take my order, although my pockets were bulging when I walked in.

When she came back with my food was wearing a Fez hat with protruding duck bill and a cast aluminum Duck medallion. I had a fanciful array of duck figurines displayed on the table, including 8 inch tall figurines of a tuxedo clad duck, and a sequin caped Elvis in Las Vegas duck. My water glass was in a Duckhead coozie. The final Who Done It reveal was so freaking worth month long wait.

I did not know that the rest of the staff had continued the duck prank in my absence. When I was checking out I noticed that the display of little staff named ducks was gone from behind the cash register. I asked what happened to them, and Lisa said Yeah, somebody took em.

As I was walking out an old dude counter regular who had overheard that conversation motioned to me and whispered Nah, nobody done took em, look up above the counter at that picture frame.

The staff, and the regulars, have taken to playing hide and seek with them.

I had nothing new up my sleeve for a couple weeks, but no matter who had my booth, Lindsey, Lisa and even the more standoffish Ellen, all made a point of coming by to razz me. No funny business this time Buster, and Yeah, we are keeping an eye on you.

We are keeping an eye on you. Yesterday morning I came prepared. I got Ellen. The place was near empty, other than a mother and young son a couple of booths away. I had a package of assorted size self adhesive Googly Eyes in my pocket.

A pair of which surreptitiously went on everything on the table. The ketchup bottle, the jam and jelly holder, the sugar container, the artificial sweetener bin, the syrup bottle, the underside of one plate for the dishwasher to find, one each on the salt and pepper shakers. Two in my wallet over Lincolns eyes on a fiver as the tip.

The toddler son a couple booths away was doing the kneel backwards on the bench thing, smiling and waving at the weirdbeard man across the way. I waved back and started holding up the Googly eyed stuff to show him. He was enthralled, yelling Eyes, Eyes! at each new Googly surprise. His mom never looked back and seemed somewhat perplexed.

I had the Googly Eyed stuff carefully all positioned facing the wall on the table until I got up to leave the decorative tip. I was standing at the register before Ellen came back to clear the table and heard her shout What the heck?

She gave me a wonderful conspiratorial look from the dining room and managed to walk up front straight faced to tell Lisa Um, there is a problem with table 3. I was lucky to have some spare Googly Eyes left in my pocket, distributed to the wait staff to take home to prank their husbands and children.

Those laughter interactions start my mornings off right, a little thing like that keeps me smiling all day, and I hope the same is true for the wait staff as well.

I have a Googly Eyed Lincoln and a Washington in my wallet to spend at the country store tomorrow morning.

Life is what you make of it, lets have fun out there.
 
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During a lunch break on a group day paddle, I secretly rotated the halves of a kayakers paddle 180deg off so one was backwards ---- THEY NEVER NOTICED!
 
I've trained my children well...it has to be subtle, and it has to be harmless.
They have learned, under my tutelage, to deftly move my coffee cup to a hidden location in the few moments that I'm reaching for the half and half!
There is a particular radio station (WEQX) that is the only station I have listened to for the last 30 years. All 12 of my presets are set to that station in my vehicles with radios (not all do).
Well, I came back into the car after leaving son and MDB inside, I was out of the vehicle for less than a minute. I immediately heard an unfamiliar song, one that would never get airplay on my fav station. I casually chose the next preset to return to my station, and it was another bubblegum station. Haha, you got me! So I hit the next preset...long story short, they had conspired to rapidly change 5 of those presets. I was impressed.

In preparation for last years Fish Pond trip, all of the guys (mostly half my age) announced that they would not shave in the preceding months. I chose not to partake, mostly because my formerly jet black and extremely thick facial hair no longer was. So I decided that a weeks growth and some "Just for Men" would be quite the visual shocker. Not knowing how that stuff works, I naturally never read the instructions...after 20 minutes of scrubbing with some pretty powerful cleaners, the effect was perfected. But the joke was on me in those first 20 minutes!!

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I helped a friend that was backpacking a long distance trail. I knew where he was coming out at a trailhead, so I picked him up, took him for his re-supply and later dropped him off again at the trailhead.
I knew it was going to be at least three days and about 60 miles before he got to the next trailhead.

I brought an 8x10 framed photo of me that had been around the house way too long and while he was re-supplying, I put it deep enough in his backpack that he didn't see it when he put his food in.

I didn't hear from him for a few days because of bad cell service in the area, but I did smile for three days thinking of the words he used when he set up camp that first night and found the framed 8x10 of me with a glass cover.

The best part was that he had to carry it in his backpack and be careful not to break the glass for 60 miles and also he got to look at it each night when he set up camp until he got to the next town and tossed it in the garbage.

My ears are still ringing from when I finally heard from him....and I still smile when I think about it...and his wife loved that someone made him suffer. :)
 
At lunch, breaks I tighten PFD buckles. Then as they struggle to put them on, I say " How much did you eat?" Also rocks in barrels, and under float bags.
 
I helped a friend that was backpacking a long distance trail. I knew where he was coming out at a trailhead, so I picked him up, took him for his re-supply and later dropped him off again at the trailhead.
I knew it was going to be at least three days and about 60 miles before he got to the next trailhead.

I brought an 8x10 framed photo of me that had been around the house way too long and while he was re-supplying, I put it deep enough in his backpack that he didn't see it when he put his food in.

I didn't hear from him for a few days because of bad cell service in the area, but I did smile for three days thinking of the words he used when he set up camp that first night and found the framed 8x10 of me with a glass cover.

The best part was that he had to carry it in his backpack and be careful not to break the glass for 60 miles and also he got to look at it each night when he set up camp until he got to the next town and tossed it in the garbage.

My ears are still ringing from when I finally heard from him....and I still smile when I think about it...and his wife loved that someone made him suffer. :)

Many moons ago we were packing at a friends home packing gear for a group beachfront backpacking trip, which meant carrying in all of the potable water.

Said fiend had done that trip the previous year, carrying way too much weight for hiking on sand, and was dedicated to packing light this time, repackaging everything, drilling holes on his tooth brush handle, minimal everything.

After he was content with his weight reduction, with his backpack ready to go, another friend, not me I swear, added a few homey touches inside his pack, which he did not find until making camp the first day.

The plunger and a can of Ajax from his bathroom, and all of his vacuum cleaner attachments. He kinda needed that stuff at home, so he carried it in and out.

The country store Googly Eyed bills bit came off unexpectedly well. I go there almost every morning for a newspaper and breakfast sandwich. The staff knows me well. Whenever they get a new cashier I mess with them. Buy a newspaper and ask if I can split the cost between two credit cards, etc.

When I paid for my paper and sandwich at the counter they were, by lucky chance, training a new cashier, with one of the experienced guys watching over her.

Five Fifty, same as always. I laid a five and a one President up on the counter. The guy training the newbie gave me a WTF look, and the new cashier put the money in the register without a second glance.

He looked at me stifling a laugh, looked at her and said Seriously? Seriously?

I am looking forward to spending the 20.

P3190661 by Mike McCrea, on Flickr
 
A friend and I were getting ready to enter the 100 Mile Wilderness on the Appalachian Trail.
We stayed at a cabin in Greenville, ME and was packing up for the final push of a thru hike.

I happened to see Cindy bury about a 5 lb rock in my pack.
The packs were out by the shuttle driver's car.

She went inside to pee before we left.
I went out and took the rock and buried it in her pack.

We had some big climbs that day.
Cindy would be smiling at me every time we took a break.

I asked her what she was smiling about and she would just say that she was enjoying the day.

She found the rock in her pack when we stopped to make camp that night.
She was actually mad at me for a while, but I think I laughed so much reminding her about all the elevation gain that day that she finally smiled.

Hey, it wasn't my rock!! :)
 
ya,rocks. The boys in my scout troop used the sneak rocks in each others packs a lot. The leaders used to also put rocks in boys packs that forgot the rules--we called them "Memory Rocks"
 
From time to time I hang around with a bunch of Cape Codders who call themselves the Osceola cowboys. The name derived from an annual hike to, and camp out on, Mt. Osceola (NH). I hiked with them once. I was very cautious with my pack, keeping it hidden until we got on the trail. Being the new guy, I figured they'd be out for me. But it was one of the veteran cowboys who began cussing while setting up camp atop the mountain. He'd discovered rocks in his pack, rocks I was pretty sure were meant for me, but they couldn't find my pack and being good New Englanders, they weren't about to waste the rocks.

Anyway, for all you practical-joking rock-packers, what's wrong with beer? Pack beer, not rocks! More for all to drink at the top!
 
ya,rocks. The boys in my scout troop used the sneak rocks in each others packs a lot. The leaders used to also put rocks in boys packs that forgot the rules--we called them "Memory Rocks"

Cliff Jacobsens wife Suzie Haring gleefully picked up pretty rocks from Magee Creek in Mississippi while Cliff shuttled the van to the take out.. She put them in his day pack.. He got quite a surprise when he tried to throw the pack in.
 
Breakfast at the Diner

I took my sons to breakfast at my favorite diner this morning. I needed companions, because I needed multiple menus. We told the waitress that “We might have a fourth, we’ll know in a minute” and scored 4 menus. And requested a table in the back, so I could observe the entire diner.

I brought in the newspaper as usual, nothing out of the ordinary so far; the waitstaff and I have had a (one sided) multi-year prank war going on, and they keep a sharp eye on me.

We ordered and the waitress took back our menus. I needed to start off the year with a solid prank, and inside each menu was a laminated list of “Breakfast Specials”. Two columns, with the diner name as a header atop.

Mini Grande
One bespoke fried egg, one pancake or slice of French Toast, one sausage link or bacon strip, one half cup of coffee, one visit to the booth or table and we will leave the check with the meal
$4.99


Breakfast Carousel Child Plate
The Breakfast Casserole, but served on a spinning Lazy Susan Plate for your amusement.
$7.49 (Plus $10 deposit on Carousel Plate, $2 napkin surcharge per child)


The Lynn-Z
Anything on the menu, with a side order of wiseacre comebacks, given better than received. If you laugh, double the tip
Price upon request


Alabama Slamma Breakfast
Biscuits with Sawmill gravy, chitterlings with Red-Eye gravy and Grits, Grillades and smoked “Trout” hash. One 8 ounce glass of Coors Lite to start the morning off in style.
$5.95

The New Girl
Free-range Eggs Benedict, gluten-free heirloom home fries, pickled Kombucha & Kale wrap, Artisanal ramps with cauliflower reduction sauce.
$9.95 (seasonally available)


The Lisa
Order pancakes, sausage and home fries, receive French toast, bacon and hash browns. Trust Lisa, she knows what you really want.
$5.89


Breakfast Sampler
Permission to take a bite of food from any table within reach (3-step limit, must announce sampling intentions before forking)
$2.99 (must sign indemnification waiver first)


The Frugal Spender
Two eggs, home fries, toast and coffee. Seriously, that’s it? Don’t you have a job, or at a pension check? At least order a side of scrapple.
$4.49 (plus mandatory 50% tip)

Every “Special” on the list is either a renamed breakfast order, or an esoteric reference to some past prank.

A lot of the regulars don’t even ask for a menu, but it wasn’t long before a nicely dressed older couple entered and were seated with menus.

I am not around for the payoff of many pranks, but I got to watch this one develop in full, as they read through the enclosed list of Breakfast Specials and began to look increasingly quizzical. When the waitress arrived to take their order they asked their waitress if the “Breakfast Sampler” was a real thing.

In fact, it is, titled exactly that (2 eggs, 2 sausage or bacon, 2 pancakes or French Toast). They were told that the Breakfast sampler was always available.

Some confusion ensued. Some laughter ensued. Some immediate finger pointing ensued. At me. More laughter as the waitstaff shared it among themselves. The owner thought it was funny as heck. All four copies were quickly recovered, one to be posted on my Wall of Fame board in the prep area.

One went home with the nice couple. I know because they showed me they had kept a take-home copy.

I know because I stopped by their table on the way out with fork in hand, eyeing their food and saying I’d like to try the Breakfast Sampler. They were quick to remind me that I had travelled more than the 3 step limit.

All in all a successful breakfast. I got to see it, my sons got to see it, the waitstaff and even involved strangers were all still laughing as we left.
 
Several years ago at the start of a canoe trip with along carry from the car to the water the first guy down the path picked up a bottle of pills. It was an unopened stool softener. We had a laugh about the pore person who lost it. A couple of days later I found it in my pack but it did not stay there long. It appeared and disappeared for several years on several canoe trips.
 
Years ago on a trip to the Okefenokee NWR with school, we were camped one evening on Craven's Hammock. To say the resident raccoon population there is active would be an understatement. You'd be sitting around the campfire and look across to a raccoon going through someone's pack while sitting next to them. These guys were both amusing and bandits. To be sure we had our food secure for the evening we put everything in spackle buckets with secure lids and then tied up the cooler. We even suspended the cooler as a "just in case" maneuver. Awaking the next morning one of the students came to my tent and told me there was a problem where we'd hung the food. I followed them out and found the cooler open and empty. Papers were strewn around and the place looked like a raccoon version of the Great Train Robbery. Thankfully the spackle buckets had survived the onslaught but that day's lunch was gone; or at least that's what I was led to believe.

Come lunchtime a few of them started to moan about all our lunch food being gone and that all we had left for the day were some granola bars and crackers. This went on for a bit until one of the, eventually admitted, instigators said..."hey, would anyone like a ham & cheese sandwich?" Those of us who weren't in the know turned around and gasped at the sight of all our lunch meat, cheeses, bread, fruit, chips, etc. laid out in a canoe! It was still cool too!!!

To this day, that prank was one of the best I've ever had pulled on me. One of the main perpetrators of this event now works at the college and we still occasionally talk about it and how they pulled it off. You really have to admire their energy and ingenuity and we all had a great laugh; and wonderful lunch as well.

That's all for now. Take care and until next time....be well.

snapper
 
Awaking the next morning one of the students came to my tent and told me there was a problem where we'd hung the food. I followed them out and found the cooler open and empty. Papers were strewn around and the place looked like a raccoon version of the Great Train Robbery. Thankfully the spackle buckets had survived the onslaught but that day's lunch was gone; or at least that's what I was led to believe.

Come lunchtime a few of them started to moan about all our lunch food being gone and that all we had left for the day were some granola bars and crackers. This went on for a bit until one of the, eventually admitted, instigators said..."hey, would anyone like a ham & cheese sandwich?" Those of us who weren't in the know turned around and gasped at the sight of all our lunch meat, cheeses, bread, fruit, chips, etc. laid out in a canoe! It was still cool too!!!

Oh, I like that, and if the chance ever avails itself with some gullible party, well, we trip in some pretty raccoony places. Seeing a raccoon waddle off, upright on hind legs, greedily carrying an entire loaf of bread is not an unfamiliar sight, especially in State Parks when the unwary leave a car door open.

I do think they missed some embellishment opportunities, maybe faux gnaw and nibble at the bread, ham and cheese packages, “find” them in the woods, declare them fine except for the teeth marks and commence making rodent-masticated sandwiches.

All the more for me.
 
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