Laughter is the best medicine

Joined
Sep 26, 2013
Messages
2,525
Reaction score
502
Location
Colrain MA
Or:



and if you google it, you'll find more
 
Joined
Sep 6, 2021
Messages
61
Reaction score
44
Location
Mount Solon, VA
Why don't pirates shower before they walk the plank?

...................................................

Because they always wash up on shore.
 
Joined
Jan 8, 2014
Messages
1,291
Reaction score
286
Location
Minden, NV
I was camped with a friend on the Snake River in Idaho. We were close to the water in an ideal spot near a rapid. The weather was hot that night, so the upstream dam released more water for the high electrical demand. It seemed kind of damp in the tent. Then at about 0400 I woke up in a wet sleeping bag. We put the camp in the canoes and headed for higher ground. We were sitting in lawn chairs above the river drinking a Budweiser, with our sleeping bags hanging in the trees. My friend turns to me and says: "It's a good thing their are no women on this trip."
 
Joined
Aug 10, 2018
Messages
298
Reaction score
198
Location
Blairsville, PA (about 30 mi E of PGH)
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, Um, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
 
Joined
Sep 6, 2021
Messages
61
Reaction score
44
Location
Mount Solon, VA
Once upon a time there was an old farmer in West Virginia [or Newfoundland, or insert your favorite locale here]. The soil was poor and the farm was never productive. The farmer was always broke.

One day a young geologist came to the farm and said, "Sir, we think there may be natural gas under your farm. Will you give permission to drill a test well? If we find gas, we'll do some fracking and hook up to the Mountain Valley Pipeline [insert the name of your favorite fossil fuel project here]. We'll pay you royalties and you will become a rich man!"

The farmer decided the money sounded pretty nice, and he gave permission.

So the geologist brought in a big drilling rig and started drilling. He drilled, and drilled, and drilled. He must have gone a mile underground, but there was no gas.

The geologist came to the farmer and said, "I'm sorry, but every now and then we turn up a dry hole. There is no gas. We will have to pack up our drilling rig and try somewhere else."

"Before you go," said the farmer, "could you do me a favor? Every year the hole under my outhouse fills up and I have to move it. If you could set it on top of that dry hole, I'd never have to move the outhouse again."

The geologist said he would be happy to oblige. So he picked up the outhouse with a great big crane, and place it atop the unsuccessful well.

Next morning the farmer's son ran into the house.

"Paw, come quick!" he hollered. "I'm afraid there's something terrible wrong with Maw! She's settin' in the outhouse, and her face is all red, and her eyes is buggin' out, and the veins is bulgin' out on the sides of her head! I'm afraid she's havin' a heart attack!"

"Son," the farmer replied calmly, "there ain't nothin' wrong with your mama. She just always likes to hold her breath until it hits bottom."
 
Joined
Dec 19, 2021
Messages
34
Reaction score
24
Location
Virginia
I saw a lot of posts 2 days ago, Tuesday, about it being 2/22/22. Let me tell you what happened to me.

I had an appointment downtown on 22nd St. Wow! Cool. My car was getting a tune up, so I ubered. Guy pulls up right at 2:22. Crazy, right? That's not all! The license plate said "Tutu".

So he takes me downtown. The charge? $22 bucks. I can't believe it. So, I decide to skip my meeting and go to the local horsetrack betting parlor to see what the races look like with all these 2s going on.

I see the 2nd race, there's a horse wearing #22 named "Two for Tuesday" with 20-to-1 odds. How can I resist? So I go all in. I pull out my 2nd credit card, and lay down $2,222 for Two for Tuesday to win.

Damn horse came in second.
 
Joined
Dec 7, 2013
Messages
75
Reaction score
34
Location
Michigan
I was helping a lady get her car out of the snow bank this morning and told her she was the 3rd pregnant woman I helped this winter. She said " I'm not pregnant" !!!

Yeah? Well you're not out of the snow bank yet either!
 
Top