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Full Farmersexual

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Enough of this axe stuff.



Shoot, there's probably some farmer-sexuals out there, dressing in crap encrusted overalls with old hammers hanging from their pockets, and slaying all the city chicks.

I have a hankering to get my full Farmersexual on. I’m already wearing overalls, and have the requisite begrimed ballcap, worn work gloves, high-top boots, snot rag and fencing pliers handy.

I need me onea them there fancy hipster shovels. Something vintage.











Where’s them city chicks?
 
Farmersexuals wear crocs?

Very pretty and festive!

Alan
 
Farmersexuals, that's why Carhartts are so expensive.

I can’t bring myself to pay that much for a pair of overalls. By the time I’ve worn out the knees in a pair of denim Libertys or Big Smiths they are near a filthy suit of armor with paint and stain and varnish and epoxy drips.

A question out of memory lane – Does anyone use coveralls in the shop? One of my carpenter/cabinetmaker Uncles habitually wore lightweight coveralls anytime he was in his shop. The same pair for a couple of decades and counting last time I saw him.

Farmersexuals wear crocs?

Yes, and they have pretty polka dot feet after spray painting.

Shovel backstory. I have been repairing and maintaining the tools at the Reserve in NC for a couple of years. I refurbished their shovel collection a couple of years ago. Concurrent with finding a 3-color pack of glitter in their shop supplies.

Those are all now nicely refurbish shovels, but they all have glitter permanently epoxied and clear coated on the blades.

They made me turn in my glitter and swear not to use any more “Unicorn fairy dust crap” in their shop while visiting.

And then I found that awful handle-less orphan in a pile of castoffs, so I had to bring it home to play with before returning it.

Ha ha ha, can't wait to see the pics of the chics as they covet your shovel!

For a Farmersexual photoshoot with full regalia I’ll have to wait ‘til I’m back at the Reserve. I’m pretty sure I get Hipster points for driving an environmentally conscious E-Gator and drinking Yuengling.



I’m sure it will drive the ladies wild.
 
A true farmersexual would be able to decode the secret message in the color stripes on the handle.
 
Well, that's one way to make sure your tool borrowing neighbours return your stuff.

Most of the tools I travel with are visibly marked with my initials, or at least a big M. Some of my friends have clamps and drills and battery op stuff identical to mine, and even with a big MM in yellow paint pen I’m leaving or swapping tools back on a quarterly basis. I noticed today that one of my battery drills sports a big D. Oops, not mine.

I know you like a story. My father, in his post-farmer years, was an apartment complex guru. We lived, for a time, in the ground floor of a “garden apartment”. The ground floor interconnected between 5 apartments via a back corridor. He rented the other 4 apartments to his friends and drinking buddies, and folks came and went via the unlocked back doors at will, often with a drink already in hand.

Once a year they would have a liquor glass party, where everyone brought their mismatched, this isn’t ours, glassware .

About the shovel, it needs a name. I have been wood burning or letter stamping inscriptions on the tools I have rehung, including Biltmore notches on that 100 year old Michigan double and “UGLY BABY” inscribed onto the end of that axe’s handle. I love the name for that poor miss figured axe.

In part because I find the whole Hipster axe naming thing beyond amusing. Those gaudy, overpriced felling axes have color pattern names, which apparently adds hundreds in value.

http://www.bestmadeco.com/collections/axes

Hipster Shovel needs a name. It actually does have a purpose – chopping up leftover turtle food produce in the compost bins. I even sharpened the blade a bit for just that use.
 
Never named a shovel before. I did name a series of paddles I made, Spanky 1 through 6. Let's see, how bout "BS Detector". Or Shafty. Names found on an internet search - Ace of Spades, Gravedigger, the Entrencher. Good luck!
 
I don't believe any of you are genuine. Real farmersexuals go canoe tripping and don't freestyle with their tools.

It's been a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG winter, my friends, and those days may never end.

 
I guess I haven't been around much lately. I don't know how I missed this thread.

Mike,,,,,, how can you start a Farmersexual thread and not have a picture of the Farmersexual him self? That's just bullpucky. (I think bullpucky is appropriate in a farmersexual thread). Come on Mike, get your crap kickers on and get out side and lets have a picture up. Us'n Iowans 'LL let you know how you did.

From what I could decipher, the handle stripes say "that sure is a pretty pig you got there mister".

I think Elvis would be a good name for the shovel.

Carhartts are worth the money.
 
Shoot, there's probably some farmer-sexuals out there, dressing in crap encrusted overalls with old hammers hanging from their pockets, and slaying all the city chicks.

Mike,,,,,, how can you start a Farmersexual thread and not have a picture of the Farmersexual him self? That's just bullpucky. (I think bullpucky is appropriate in a farmersexual thread). Come on Mike, get your crap kickers on and get out side and lets have a picture up. Us'n Iowans 'LL let you know how you did.


 

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